I’ve always put a ton of pressure on myself around my birthday.
I am constantly evaluating my life, constantly course correcting and trying to make sure I am making the most out of most of my time. (We all need to take a break and recharge every so often. For me that means that every once in a while I just NEED to spend far too much time with my pajamas, Netflix and my couch…)
But on the whole, I am always doing and thinking and learning and improving (hopefully). It’s in my nature. And on my birthday, I am generally deeply moved to fully evaluate an entire year.
I want to celebrate the year that’s passed. And I want to usher in a new year. And I want to do it all in a way that feels full and alive and free. I want that day to be worthy of every obstacle I overcame this year and every lesson I learned (the hard way) and I want it to set the tone for a year that will hopefully bring me one step closer to the life of my dreams.
So, yeah, I’m usually under a sh*t ton of self imposed pressure right about now.
This year I am doing something different.
I have spent the better part of this year (and my life, duh) learning how to love myself, learning how to stand on my own two feet as I do the best that I can to go after the things I want. This particular year has been a ROLLER COASTER for me but I think I’ve learned a lot. I’ve watched myself become more capable and resilient. I’ve watched it become easier for me to take risks. I’ve also learned about the ways I’m difficult and discovered some very real things about myself that I’d like to change.
But the thing is, I’m learning this stuff every single day. I am showing up in my life to the best of my ability every single day. (Well, almost every single day… Ugh Netflix!!...) That is the work, I think. That is progress.
This year I don’t need a big reflection. I don’t a year’s worth of celebration packed into one big anxiety filled day because instead I am learning how to celebrate myself every single day. I don’t need to worry about how I am going to start the next year because instead I am learning how to live in the moment and trust that I’ll be able to deal with whatever the world throws at me when that time comes. I don’t have to worry about making myself feel worthy on my birthday because instead I am learning how to feel worthy every day.
I still feel a bit anxious. This is something I am truly trying on for size. But ultimately I have come to believe that happiness happens on the daily and dreams are made one moment at a time.
We may only get one birthday per year, but we also get 364 regular days. And I’m in it for all of them.