I’ve spent the past few weeks going through all of my old writing- journals, essays, lyrics- you name it. This morning I magically stumbled upon a piece I wrote about time, what I dream I would do if I had more of it and what actually happened the last time I got some extra free time thanks to a couple of snow days! As it happens, I’m currently in that very position. The blizzard Stella has given me a day of solitude and freedom. And as I read my words, I realize though a lot changed, some things always stay the same.
You see, I still complain a lot about not having enough time. To do the things I want to do. Imagine what I could create if I had a little more time…
And like the answer to my unspoken prayers, I receive this little gift: my whole life was cancelled for BASICALLY TWO DAYS because of widespread generalized panic over Juno: the delightful, little blizzard that threatened to wreak havoc over the northeast this week. (This time it’s Stella and we only get one day off… but you get the point!)
In any case, I got what I’ve been waiting for… a little bit of time. AMAZING, right? But let me tell you, it is also really uncomfortable. You see I don’t really feel like creating anything. I feel like eating junk food. And watching TV. And pretending I don’t have dreams or problems. Or if these things didn’t work, how about over-exercising or compulsively refreshing my Instagram feed every 2-5 minutes?!
These are the things I want to do at this moment. And at the same time there is so much I want to create. What a conundrum. What do I do? Do I need downtime to “recharge?” Do I take this gift of a few moments off and do what I want instead of what I “should”? Or do I recommit once again to my dreams and get to work?
And suddenly I started thinking about this book I read a few years ago… the one that taught me everything I now know about work, about creative living, about artistic pursuits and dreams and about how to begin to make them happen. Basically, everything I didn’t know I didn’t know I learned from Steven Pressfield’s “The War of Art.” The book is all about fear and resistance and how they keep us from pursuing dreams and doing the things we deeply and desperately want to do.
So I picked up the book. (That’s the thing about having hard copies of books… you can literally pick them up…) And here’s some of what it says:
“The most pernicious aspect of procrastination is that it can become a habit. We don't just put off our lives today; we put them off till our deathbed.
Never forget: This very moment, we can change our lives. There never was a moment, and never will be, when we are without the power to alter our destiny. This second we can turn the tables on Resistance.
This second, we can sit down and do our work.”
The thing is to show up. Every day. Show up and do the work as best you can. Nothing may come of it. Something amazing may come of it. The result is not what’s important. It’s important to just show up. Even if there’s a blizzard. Even if there’s junk food. As best you can.
So here I am.