Work | Life | Balance
I used to be all career, all the time.
I am an artist. I am self-employed. I need to be self-motivated. If I don’t put in the work, it’s not getting done.
I was never sure if I was doing enough, working hard enough. And consequently, I quite often felt like I was letting myself down, like I wasn’t living up to my own standards.
So logically I would punish myself.
I took the first big step towards becoming an artist years ago when I agreed to go to LA to write and record some songs with a friend of my cousin’s. (This was before I started going to LA to make music videos, long before I even knew what kind of artist I wanted to be, let alone when I actually started making the music) I think I went there like 8 times in a year. And on those trips, I saw literally none of my west coast friends. I didn’t go out to dinner. I didn’t explore. I didn’t do anything “fun.” I went go on runs and I went to the studio. That’s it. That’s how I dealt with the insecurity of this business. It’s how I managed the fear that I wouldn’t make it. I turned myself into a work machine. I was so focused on not missing my opportunity, on not letting myself down, that I was ignoring one crucial thing… my life.
I was missing my life.
I was missing the moments, the laughs, the travel, the adventure. I was missing the highs and the lows. I was so busy avoiding my fear of failure that I cut myself off from all the joys of the process, of the life.
I don’t do that anymore. I make a conscious effort to go everywhere, to do everything that I can. I want the full experience. This is my life. I have chosen a strange and bizarre career path, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get to also have the good stuff. I can work hard AND play hard. I can live to work AND work to live. I do both. Some days it’s exhausting. Most days it’s exhilarating. But it’s always real and it’s mine.
I am going away for a couple weeks. I am signing on for a new adventure. And my work will be here when I get back. And that’s a beautiful thing.